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Sarah Ziolkowski

Screenwriter & Author

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Danke für die Bewertung. 💜
Narcotic Love: Der Weg aus dem Wachkoma narzisstischen Missbrauchs
ISBN: 978-1999212223
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Thanks for the review. 💜
Narcotic Love: In and Out of the Coma of Narcissistic Abuse
ISBN: 978-1999212209
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#NarcoticLove #narcissisticabuse #narcissists #narcissist #narcissism #narzissmus #narzisstischermissbrauch #narzisst #narzissten #gaslighting #manipulation #survivor #lifeafterabuse #healing #german #germanbooks #psychology #psychologie #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #awareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #book #books #review #amazon #kindle #authorsofinstagram #author #authorslife

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Ironically, one of my new year’s resolutions was to take more breaks this year. After 6 months in self-isolation, I thought, this was enough of a break and headed back to work in the film industry. 🎬

Being back, it feels like the past 6 months had never happened (kind of strange how time is merely an illusion) and quickly, my body proved it to me: the familiar sleep deprivation. The unhealthy diet, as everything gets rushed. The air is bad due to wildfires and Covid is like a black cloud above everyone’s head. On top of all of that, I discovered a lump in my throat and barely have the time to take care of it, as we work long hours. It’s this week that I’m regretting to have taken on another job right after the one that’s currently in the making, realizing I’m falling into the old habit of being a workaholic again to backup enough security in case there will be another shutdown of our industry. 🔥

But I won’t ignore the signs anymore, knowing that I don’t have to, and if there’s anything more proof of that, then it’s my body giving me the signals to stop. Signs that we can easily ignore as long as we’re young and still standing on our two feet. 💁🏻‍♀️

The situation doesn’t matter; it could be anything: a toxic habit, a toxic relationship, a toxic job, a toxic cycle you keep yourself in and just can’t seem to break. It’s usually our bodies that will notice first and ring the alarm bells: that gut feeling you have about a situation or a person that may be off, the headaches or pains in your back that just keep coming, the loss of energy and motivation, a state of depression because something or someone isn’t fulfilling you the way it should. If your mind doesn’t stop you, your body certainly will. 🙇🏻‍♀️

I took this picture on my way to work in the crack of dawn. Sometimes, there’s an open road in front of us, but the view is foggy and we have lost sight of what we “truly” want, and more importantly NEED, in life. Priorities change as you do. Your health and well-being should always come first, because everything you do for yourself or others starts within you. 💜

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Do have a person in your life who always seems to be happy, tries to look at the bright side of life, but for whatever reason s/he has this underlying sadness and can’t make progress toward what s/he wants? Or maybe you can’t put your finger on why you feel so drained after being around your positive friend?

I call it “toxic positivity”. 🧪

There are two extremes. The toxic negative and the toxic positive ones. Now, how can positivity be toxic at all if this is what we tell ourselves we should, at best, feel like?

People who neglect healthy optimism and choose to live by (toxic) positivity quite often live in denial. They are not hoping for the best, they pretend the best is already there or on its way. They suppress a lot of feelings and do not process them properly while wondering why life is so difficult to cope with? This suppression eventually leads to a lot of drama and disappointments they try to further suppress with a lot more unhealthy positivity, fake smiles, motivating others more than they motivate themselves. Eventually, this behavior will lead to mental and physical exhaustion which they cover up with — that’s right — even more toxic positivity. You can see the vicious cycle right there.

Another downside of toxic positivity is that the denial can be pretty invalidating. Not only are people who apply toxic positivity invalidating their own emotions on a daily basis, they also invalidate the feelings and experiences of others by telling them to cheer up when the world looks gray, not allowing them to process things their way, and not giving them the emotional support they would need from a friend.

If someone’s toxic positivity drains your energy the same way a negative person would do, it is time to re-evaluate your friendship. Sadly, toxic positivity is often no a reason for people to break things off because the friend seems so nice and the ever so positive friend, who is in denial of the problem, may not even understand your decision. However, maintaining a friendship that lacks a solid foundation, where one half is inauthentic, and nothing ever seems to manifest, ask yourself if that is what you truly want and need to lead a happy life?

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September 13: On this day, one year ago, Narcotic Love was published. ✨

In this photo, I was holding the first test print in my hand, and I must say, for the first time in my life maybe, I was a little proud of myself there; not only because I could finally call myself an author but also because I had completed a project that had seemed so very impossible until I reached the last page and realized there comes a point where your draft is “good enough”. The perfectionist in me tried to procrastinate at times or convince me of the opposite. Sure, overcoming this perfectionism was a major part of the healing journey and writing this book was certainly a help. ✍🏻

The book itself grew out of pure desperation, only two months after I had left a toxic relationship with a narcissist. At the time, I was struggling with CPTSD, recurring flashbacks, and suicidal ideation. I started writing the things down because nobody seemed to take this situation seriously nor did some even believe it. A common thing survivors of narcissistic abuse have to face, and the reason why talking about covert abuse is so very important. At first, writing felt like a testimony in case something would happen to me during an unbearable episode of flashbacks that, by now, have luckily subsided a while ago. 🙆🏻‍♀️

As I started to heal from the situation and was slowly able to pull myself together to see the things a little more objectively, the book started to go into the right direction, and the personal testimony turned into a mission; something that I felt confident was objective enough to release and hopefully help others with who were unable to put it in words or silenced their own voice. 🙇🏻‍♀️

I am happy that I did not give up while I was dragging draft after draft anywhere I went to finish this task and those few months I did not write anything at all, because I thought who would even care? Looking back, enough seem to actually care. What grew out of pure desperation and a battle to just “survive” over two years ago has developed into a whole community of survivors. I am always happy to hear from my readers and the progress that they have made. Thanks for being on this journey with me. 💜

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Found in New York, May 23, 2019. ❤️
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#survivor #selflove #lovable #selfcare #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissist #healing #selbstliebe #worthy #selfworth #selbstwert #empowerment #empowering #grafitti #newyork #newyorkcity #manhattan #loveyourself #write #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #author #authorslife #travel #travelgram #liebe #loneliness #streetart #heilen

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Found in New York, May 15, 2019. ❤️
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#survivor #selflove #lovable #selfcare #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissist #healing #selbstliebe #worthy #selfworth #selbstwert #empowerment #empowering #grafitti #newyork #newyorkcity #manhattan #loveyourself #write #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #author #authorslife #travel #travelgram #liebe #loneliness #streetart #heilen

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Found in New York, May 20, 2019. ❤️
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#survivor #selflove #lovable #selfcare #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissist #healing #selbstliebe #worthy #selfworth #selbstwert #empowerment #empowering #grafitti #newyork #newyorkcity #manhattan #loveyourself #write #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #author #authorslife #travel #travelgram #liebe #loneliness #streetart #heilen

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“No.” — it’s among the shortest words in our dictionary, but the most powerful that can save your life. 🌸

Are you having a hard time saying “No”? You’re not alone. I used to struggle with it, too, until I realized that trying to please others is a bottomless pit. People will take advantage if you let them and don’t enforce the proper boundaries. 🙅🏻‍♀️

Why are we so afraid to say “No”? Because we think we disappoint others. Because we think it’s a lack of integrity. Because we think others won’t like us if we say so. Do you notice something? Your thoughts are solely focused on “other” people and never on the most important person in your life... yourself... as everything starts within you. 🙋🏻‍♀️

Being unable to say “No” is a guarantee for self-sabotage. Not only will it lead to the exhaustion of your mental and physical health but also scenarios where you can’t always live up to your promises, giving you the bad rep of being unreliable, without integrity, or flaky. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What it comes down to is clear communication, knowing your own needs and limits, and not forgetting yourself in the process. Self-love is a discipline and taking care and maintaining integrity toward yourself is just as important as toward others. 💁🏻‍♀️

“No.” is a full sentence that requires no further explanation. Start saying “No” more often to see whom YOU can rely on. ❤️
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#No #boundaries #boundary #nope #nein #grenzen #healing #heilen #narcissisticabuse #narcissist #narcissists #narcissism #manipulation #integrity #narzissmus #narzissten #narzisstischermissbrauch #NarcoticLove #flaky #reliability #unreliable #toxicpeople #fakepeople #fakefriends #sayno #toxicbehavior #selflove #selbstliebe #selfcare #mentalhealth

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Excuse this weird picture, it shows me at work these days in the reflection of a Christmas tree ornament. Christmas movies are in full swing, and I’ll be working on tons of them until the end of this year, at least, that’s what my current schedule is telling me. I’m still hoping that there’ll be enough time to squeeze in my own writing time though. ✍🏻

Now, looking at this reflection, I wanted to talk about “mirroring”: a technique that manipulators use to feign good character, friendship, and commonalities. When a person mirrors you, s/he basically reflects your positive traits, ideals, virtues, likes and dislikes back to you. 👥

How can you tell someone is mirroring you? Sometimes, it’s as easy as someone showing up with the same shirt you’re wearing or using the same words you’re using. While this could also be a sign of appreciation, try to look further. Is the person mirroring back (or adopting) your personality? How can you tell? As usual, time will tell. The key to telling whether you’re being mirrored and manipulated or not is “consistency” and whether their words and actions do make sense over time. 🕑

Is what they say to you reflected in their actions? Are they saying different things at different times? Are the promises kept if they mirrored your kind of integrity? Is none of what they say just mere future faking to keep you strung along for their own agenda? Do their sweet words only mirror back to you what you want to hear to keep or pull you back into their toxic cycle? Do you feel that you’re being used? ♻️

If you’re dealing with an inconsistent person in your life, know that there’s nothing you can do that will change him or her. You can believe the talk or you can walk. 👣
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#NarcoticLove #mirroring #mirror #reflection #manipulation #manipulators #consistency #inconsistency #continuity #mirrors #futurefaking #copycat #lies #narcissist #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #narcissists #spiegel #spiegelbild #narzissmus #narzissten #narzisst #narzisstischermissbrauch #fakepeople #fakefriends #alltalknoaction #sweetwords #personality #integrity #gaslighting

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Over a year ago, some guy stopped beside me on a movie set. After a moment of silence, he wanted to start a random conversation: “What’s your story?”, he asked. While I quickly realized that this was merely a stupid pick-up line and I didn’t bother to give him much of my attention, it’s a good question to ask yourself. 💁🏻‍♀️

We all have a story, and by story I’m not meaning the experiences that we share with others or responding to a flirt but the one that is stored within us and that we keep telling ourselves, or the one that we sometimes even barely know of, because it is so deeply ingrained in us. 🙆🏻‍♀️

By “story” I mean “conditioning”. Simple as that, but less simple to resolve or to rewrite. The “story” is our belief system that was formed in childhood and decides for us how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. It is what dictates our self-worth, our self-esteem, and our insecurities into our adult life. 🙇🏻‍♀️

Remember, you are the author of your own story, and you have the ability to rewrite your story, what you know to be true and believe about yourself at any given time to become your most authentic self. ✍🏻❤️
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#story #yourstory #conditioning #beliefsystem #rewrite #author #authorsofinstagram #authenticity #NarcoticLove #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissist #childhood #authentic #childhoodtrauma #trauma #cptsd #wakeupcall #gaslighting #manipulation #authors #writer #writersofinstagram #writerslife #selfesteem #selfworth #selflove #selbstliebe #selfreflection #selbstwert

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